HATE, ANGST, AND ETERNAL MISERY

Title:	Just a thought
Tag, you're it.:	literary anylasis, lolbrian
Date:	2008-05-06 @ 21:40
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Come All You Weary - Thrice

Ever realize how screwed up Romeo And Juliet's plot is? Seriously...boy is sad because girl does not want to do him. Boy goes to party to see girl. Boy meets other girl. Boy and girl make out. Boy sneaks into girl's back yard and proposes. Boy and girl get married. Shit goes down, they both kill themselves. Boy is 16, girl is 12. It's a known fact that Juliet was probably the rebound from Rosaline, and Romeo is extremly flighty and overdramatic, but WTF, Juliet? YOU ARE TWELVE YEARS OLD AND MARRIED TO THE SIXTEEN YEAR OLD DUDE YOU MET, LIKE, SEVEN HOURS AGO. WTF? THAT IS SO SCREWED UP.

Seriously, when I was twelve, and a fifteen year old boy I'd only known a few hours asked me out, I freaked, flipped out, panicked, laughed in his face, and caused some permamant damage. Ouch.

But WTF is with this? WHAT IS HE WAS SOME MASS MURDERER? WHAT IF HE WAS REALLY A CHICK? WHAT IF HE WAS AN ABUSIVE ASSHOLE? WHO THE HELL WOULD MARRY A DUDE THEY MET LESS THAN AN DAY AGO?

So screwed up.

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Title:	November
Date:	2008-05-06 @ 17:06
Security:	public

Things have been going so slow. Alright, creepers, who reads this? Seriously, everyone out there has atleast one random interweb stalker. Show yourselves.

Anyway, jazz band. We are going to get our asses handed to us on a plate this Saturday.

Shit no one cares about: I haven't talked to Shawn since Thursday. That includes texting. I don't know what's going on. We made plans to bassbassbass last Saturday, and he never called me back, and has not texted me, or picked up his phone in days. I don't know what to think, but I'm hoping he only broke his phone again, and nothing more. I really miss him. Also, his key necklace is visible on his myspace picture, which made me feel all happy inside. But seriously, I am worried about this lack of contact.

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Title:	One Down
Date:	2008-05-03 @ 22:41
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Thunderclaps - The Horrors

YAAAAAYYY!!!! FUCKING FINISHED WITH ANNE FRANK!!!!!!!

I"m so proud of myself. I almost single-handedly did all of the costumes, and helped with props, and worked stage crew, and actually watched the show. And I got to take home the most delicious tasting prop ever. CAAKKKEEEEE!!!...that Shelby made. Never would have guessed. She can actually do something besides not wash her hair. Anyway, I had fun. And I did a fucking awesome job, and AUSTIN BARNES IS THE BIGGEST FUCKING JERK ON THE PLANET. AND MATT IS A WHINY BITCH. Everyone else in the cast was great. All the clothes Imade fit perfectly, and all the stars came off without any problems. I was so happy.

Also, I have decided that, despite the ULTIMATE WARDROBE POWER I had during this show, it is SO much better to be onstage, rather than off.

This was my weekend off. Shawn didn't pick up his phone (surprise!), so I spent the day at the bookstore. Tea Station disappeared, and I felt like crying. I was there last week, and today it was empty and dark. D: D: D:

Next week I have jazz band stuff which is gonna suck because I suck and have to be at school at 8 AM on a Saturday. I have a 3 hour block on Monday. Booo.

Standardized testing can go fuck itself. I am so screwed up from the schedule. It feels like last week was three weeks crammed together.

Also, I am still super stressed, and had I minor breakdown Tuesday or Wednesday. I can't remember. I'm fine, now.

I still feel like punching and/or shooting something

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Title:	Cement
Tag, you're it.:	i was actually social for once, nerdery, whoa
Date:	2008-04-27 @ 19:16
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Mars-Bringer of War - Holst (The Planets Suite)

Okies. So Jessica's nerd party last night was really fun. At first it was kinda akward because I knew just about no one there enough to go up and hang out with, so I enjoyed some nasty grape-ish soda, and watched Thomas and Kevin (who is not called Jesus, as I found out. The real Jesus was there, too, and was attached at the butt to his girlfriend.) make a powerpoint summarizing the party so far. It was running on a loop in the background for about the next hour. At one point, someone threw in a footnote stating that every 6000 loops there'd be a surprise, and we had Justin sitting there for a good 15 minutes watching for it. Then when he turned away, I gasped and pointed at the screen and yelled, "AWW, YOU MISSED IT!!!" and he went back to watching it. Then I got bored and tied a balloon to Jessie's phone, and then it dawned on me to tie more balloons onto her phone until it floated. Success, thanks to the big mylar silver one ("IT'S THE ALPHA BALLOON!!!"). Meanwhile, Alias showed up with four different versions of Risk that he, Chris, Patrick, and Josh set up in the greasy pool room. They were playing all four games simultaneously, which was pretty fucking amazing. At the same time they were blasting some seriously nerdy music, including OLD MEMEs, and stuff we played in band. Then I went into the other room and blasted our band CD.

Starting a new paragraph kthx. Taylor showed up, and we went outside to beat up the biggest pinata I've ever seen in my life. Someone broke the string on the first whack, so the boys threw it at each other, and eventually it fell apart and we harvested its guts. Everyone seemed to be having troubles opening up the ~~cocaine~~ chunky knock-off pixie sticks but me. They were pretty weird to eat, though. I made Jessie a neck brace/birthday hat out of the pinata's remains.

Then we went back inside, and watched the boys play Risk some more. Stole Littman's hat and comb, and found a nail-studded plank in a drawer. Oh, this was the greasiest room I've ever been in. The chair's upholstery was greasy, the walls were greasy, the tables were greasy, IT WAS ALL SO GREASY!!! Eurgh.

Cake! Littman and I were suffering similar dietary restrictions (he ate the topping off of about seven slices of pizza; I stuck to chips and dip), so we got to watch everyone else eat this really really good looking cake. I had some frosting and it was average out of spite. They bought us sherbert so we wouldn't be sad, or something, but come on. SHERBERT. WHO FUCKING LIKES SHERBERT? Whatever. Chris burned his fingers trying to pinch out a candle.

By then someone had cut the balloons off the phone, which had been floating around the place for the duration of the party. I helped myself to two big red stars, and tied them to my bracelets which was kinda stupid because I ended up bring home them and a whole lot more. But anyway, I walked into the Risk-Room, and somene made Littman andry by saying "What the shit?" which is really a pretty stupid and gramatically incorrect think to say. So he got angry, took out his greaser-comb, and slit one of my balloons open. Which was truely devistating.

Then I started fearing for the safety of my balloons, so I got some decoys, IE the mess of balloons floting about the cealing. So the next time I walked into the Risk-Room containing an angry Josh, he went straight for the cheap decoy balloons, and left my star one alone. Then someone (Chris?) cut the strings of a bunch of my balloons (all decoys, plxkthx). But I spilled iced tea on my shoulder. Because I tied a balloon to that, too.

When I've become the All-Powerful ruler of the universe, I will tie balloons to everything in my mansion/palace/fortress/bouncy-house, so everything will be conviently floating around, and nothing would get lost like that priest guy in Brazil who attempted something similar, only with himself, and floated away and got lost at sea, and is pretty much dead now. Anyway....

Umm, then at one point, I think it was Thomas who decided to go outside and play hide and seek. So we did. I hid in the bushes nest to some classy looking broken beer bottles. Thomas and Kevin found me, because I am an idiot and did not think about covering my back. Thomas renamed me "Pink-Haired Girl" and said that I'll be forever known as that, reguardless of my hair colour. I really didn't want to mention that for years now we've referred to him as JTHM-Thomas, so I let it drop. Amyway, it turns out I almost won, and we lost Littman for awhile, but then found him sitting pretty obviously in some bushes. We were an IT-tagteam for the next round (JEW POWERRRRRR!) and had serious preblams counting to fifty. And we lost Chris for awhile, but then the sprinklers went off in the bushes he was hiding in, so we found him relatively easily.

Then it got dark and people started leaving, and I counted the stars (seven and three ariplanes) and I left eventually. Le end.

And yes, I am very bored. And have had Holst's "Mars-Bringer of War" stuck in my head for an entire day now, because Alias thought it would make good battle music during their Risk thingy. But it is a really sweet piece of music. Lulz, I've been familliar with the whole Planets suite since I was eight. I am pretty classy.

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Title:	Interjection
Date:	2008-04-25 @ 15:35
Security:	public

Bam. Minimum day today. In a good mood.

Yesterday during band we had a sub. Ended up cramming about seven or eight people and their instruments into a recording room, and got absolutely nothing accomplished, except I learned to hack the computer system. Thought it worth mentioning.

I went out to the thift store to make up for people's incopmetence. In short, I will most likely be there again.

The passing periods today were 1/6 of the classes themselves. So in band we only had one bass and one amp. Taka was trying to talk to me, ands I was trying to understand what he was saying because this kid speaks some sort of Californian-surfer-asian-dude dialect that I do not understand at all. He called me 'Brah' once. What. Anyway, I think he was saying that he's in a band, and thinks I have good taste in stuff, and should come see his band when they play shows, even though they don't right now because they just started, but probably will in the future and what? Did he invite me to his band's nonexistant shows? WTF was going on there?

Fried bananas and cream cheese is (are?) amazing.

Tomorrow I'm going to a nerd party that I don't necessarily want to go to. I mean yeah, she's nice, and it's a totally clean party, but I dunno. I hate parties where I don't know everyone. Mmrmph.

Lulz, people are really immature sometimes.

And I'm still incredably stressed out right now, just for the record. It feels like there's an impending sense of something. Like something big's about to happen. And no, I don't mean standardized tests.

Also, and this may not be true, I read that if you kicked Santa Ana and Garden Grove out of Orange County, then we'd be the richest county in the country. Lulz. Also, Irvine is a big fucking bubble.

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Title:	I loathe you
Tag, you're it.:	incoherent angst rant
Date:	2008-04-23 @ 20:48
Security:	public

My god, I appear to hate everything. I'M REALLY STRESSED RIGHT NOW.

Also, I have come to the conclusion that any female put in charge of costuming a show instantly turns into a mega bitch. I am ready to shoot a few people.

People suck. I am so over everything. I cannot wait until this is all over. I have not been home on a weekend for three weeks now. I miss Shawn, I miss the audience. I wish everything would magically work out, and that the 115 page script I was handed at rehearsal Monday night will magicallly embed itself in my brain, as well as everything in my bass folder for band. I wish every person in Anne Frank had a costume that magically appears on the rack when I need it. I wish the boys in that show weren't such whiney bitches. I wish the costume closet was bigger. I was going through it yesterday, and found some stuff I liked, so I took them. It's like thrift shopping. I wish I didn't have to go to the thrift store tomorrow to buy what everyone else forgot to. I wish I could just go away.

And by the way, that was the dumbest arguement I've ever heard. You think you're so mature, but you're only fourteen. Stop being such a fucking freshman, and sort your shit out. I don't care about your problems.

Everyone in the world can go fuck off. I don't want any of your shit right now.

I'm not liking any of this.

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Title:	Why yes, I do, in fact, enjoy these.
Date:	2008-04-19 @ 20:42
Security:	public

1) Where is the person you like right now?
Garbage Grove. Most likely.

2) Last time you consumed alcohol?
Never.

3) What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
Math.

4) What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Rehearsals. Dancing the Time Warp.

5) Favorite time of day?
Twilight .

6) How do you feel about the person who texted you last?
Love him

7) Have you ever been around someone who was high??
Unfortunately yes. Did not enjoy.

8) Do you like your life as of now?
If only I was not so fucking busy.

9) Last thing you purchased?
Gum. Airport. D. C.

10) Have you ever drank with your number one?
What? No?

11) Where are you right now, and how do you feel about where you are?
Computer room. Don't like. Want my laptop to come back to life.

12) Three words to explain why you last threw up?
probably was sick.

13) How's your heart lately?
Still beating

14) Where did your last hug take place?
Last one that mattered: about a month ago, backstage at the cathedral, watching the fireworks.
Last one in general: Last night. Passover Sedar. Multiple adults.

15) Who was the last person to hold your hand?
Last one in general: Michelle and Ellie at rehearsal today.
Last one that mattered: Shawn, onstage. I think.

16. Have you ever been blinded by the light?
Why not.

17. Favorite song atm?
Too many. Spike Island - The Icarus Line, Gimmick - Stolen Babies, Good Good Things - Descendents

18) Are you a jealous person?
Pretty much so.

19) Did you have a good birthday this year?
Band banquet...ack.

20) Are you tired right now?
Yes.

21) What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
Don't bother me.

22) Do you chew on your straws?
If I feel like it.

23. Do you know any secrets?
Probably

24) Last txt message recieved?
Ack. Deleted it. Something from Shawn about how to get Sommerfield to stop bothering me. Stagecraft is boooooring.

25. Would you like to be everyone's friend?
No. Ideally, yes, but it's never gonna happen.

26) Three days from now will you be in a relationship?
...yeah? I hope so?

27) Do you have curly hair?
No.

28. Is there anything wrong with you?
Yes.

29. When is the last time you laughed really hard?
Not keeping track. Probably last night.

30. Ever want to stop trying?
Occasionally.

31. Do you have any children?
My guitars. Adopted, of course.

32) Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them?
Yes.

33) Is there anyone who doesn't like you because of something you didn't even do?
Most likely.

34) As of today, do you like anyone?
Yeah.

35) Have you kissed anyone on the lips today?
No.

36) Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
No. Could barely take 24.

37.) Would you jump off a building with your friend?
No. WTF, quiz?

38.)Where are you the most ticklish?
Ehh. No one touches my feet.

39) Last person you cried over?
My Grandmother

40) Do you cry easily?
no, not really.

41) Do you have any siblings?
No

42) Where did you go today?
School, Stagedoor

43) What should you be doing right now?
Somethingelse

44) Are you a heavy sleeper?
Not really.

45) Who was the last person to make u smile?
Not keeping track.

--

A little background info.....
name?: Rose
age?: Old enough to enjoy an ice cream cone
birthday?: 3/7

this or that?
coke or pepsi?: Coke
night or day?: Night
myspace or facebook?: LJ
fall out boy or my chemical romance?: MCR's first album
fruit or vegitables?: Fruit
sleep or be awake?: Sleep
music or TV?: Music
computer or video games?: Tetris all the way
sports or no sports?: None
cats or dogs?: Cats

The opposite sex
color of eyes?: Pretty
looks or personality?: Personality
sweet or sour?: Sweet
romantic or wild?: Romantic
movies or dinner out?: Movies
artistic or boring?: Artistic
long hair or short hair?: Long
athletic or not?: Athlete, why not?
color of hair?: Nice, preferably not dyed funny. Dyed pretty is acceptable.
do looks matter?: Somewhat
funny?: Yes
do they have to be nice?: Dur
should they be attractive?: Sure
outgoing?: Okay

random stuff
do you have any pets?: No
do you like pie?: Yes
are you a fan of panic at the disco?: They're nice
do you eat when your bored?: No
do you enjoy your life?: For the most part
am I annoying you yet?: I hate you.
do you like guitar hero?: No.
What is your favorite band?: The Horrors, The Icarus line, Stolen Babies, AFI, Descendents, NIN, Tiger Army, too many more
genre of music?: Good
TV show?: Project Runway
Food?: Sushi/chipotle monster burritos
color?: Pink/purple/blue/black/silver/rainbow
word?: Amazing
phrase?: Like, oh my god!

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Title:	shmoogles
Date:	2008-04-16 @ 21:18
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Oh, It's Love - Hellogoodbye

Hello, anyone who might be creeper-stalking me, and wondering where I've been for the past forever.

I was in Washington D. C. doing band stuff. Then I was at home being sick. I slept for 12 hours on Monday, not including the sleep that had occured at various hours of Sunday, which includes passing out on an airplane over Texass listening to a random Led Zeppelin station. Details will happen at a later date.

Tomorrow I'm leaving at lunch to go see Phantom Of The Opera. Then the next day I'm being taken against my will to Palm Springs.

Anyway, it would appear that a friend of my aunt's is moving down here with her two kids; a boy my age, and a girl the year older, and we have been instructed to befriend them. They both like music and theater, and the boy wants to join band. This should be fun...

Whatever. This is a random burst of angry. ARGHHHHHHHH!!!

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Title:	I need to buy more clarinet reeds.
Date:	2008-04-03 @ 21:26
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Covet - Jack Off Jill

MTV IS CONSIDERING MAKING A SCRIPTED-SHITTY-THE O. C.-ESQUE REALITY SHOW ABOUT MY SCHOOL. WHAT? YES. AN MTV REALITY SHOW ABOUT BECKMAN. HOLYFUCKINGSHITWHATTHEFUCKISGOINGONHERE? I DON'T KNOW. I CAN NOT EVEN BEGIN TO COMPREHEND THIS. WHAT.
AND IT'S ABOUT THE MEDIA ARTS CLUB. WHAT. WHO THE HELL IS GOING TO WATCH THAT? WHAT WOULD THEY FILM? THE MERSEL BRATS HAVING JACK BLACK-LIKE MENTAL BREAKDOWNS? WHO WOULD WATCH THAT. WHAT.

I also had a five hour band rehearsal today. D. C. is going to be fucking SURREAL. We're one of two bands out of nine from west of the Mississippi river. This shit is whacked.

All of this shit is whacked.

And I'm going camping tomorrow. Which is gonna suck because it will be cold! Yaaaaay!

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Title:	Elephant
Date:	2008-04-02 @ 15:38
Security:	public
Sounds like:	The Big Comedown - NIN

Today was pretty fun. For the most part, it was spent texting Shawn throughout various classes and lunch. Because it was a late start and our class scheduals didn't sync as usual. Or something. See usually I text him during Stagecraft which is from roughly 9:45-10:45, but school started as 9:45 today so he ended up messaging me during a math test. And then during Stagecraft. Then Bio which carried on to lunch. BlahhhhhI'mboring.

After school I was killing time before I was supposed to talk to the people I'm costuming for Anne Frank. So me, Taylor, Jessica and Josh were all walking randomly around the school, all but Taylor carrying instruments. Then Jessica and Josh found some other friends, and Taylor followed me into AF rehearsals, but Mr. Moon was at a staff meeting and the dressing room was locked, so I just said screw it, we'll do it during class tomorrow. So then Taylor and I were killing time again, and we met the vending machine refill truck and bought sodas and chex mix. Then my mom picked me up and then I came home. The end.

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Title:	Six
Date:	2008-03-29 @ 22:38
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Deadbolt - Thrice

I recently realized how much Glories messes me up. Seriously. I mean, not only mentally and socially, but physically, too. My arm muscles have only begun to stop hurting. Guess I didn't realize it, but half the time I'm onstage I'm either gesturing wildly, or holding my arms up in an attempt to convey my feelings of "Ohshittheykilledjebus" to the audience. My legs, however still hurt. Actually, I really don't know if my schey-ness is caused by a show that ended a week ago, but they have been hurting since, so yeah.
Right now I'm in that depressed-withdrawl-ohno!Ihavenolifeanymore phase that happens right after I finish a show. Christmas rehearsal starts November 10th, and I can already tell it will be the most awesome thing ever.

This morning I woke up waaay late, because Mercedes called me. She had absolutely nothing to say, just something about Shawn not picking up his phone or something. I dunno. But apparantly he had plans today with her brother and the kid with one eye (part of me really really wants to say I'm joking about that. We employ some real winnarz.), which I guess is why he didn't call me.

Anyway, then I had a free burrito and a smoothie, and cleaned my room some more and did fun crap like that. Now my stomach is all achey again. D:

Today is my last free weekend for about a month. Next week I'm going camping, which I'm totally excited for, except for the fact that I didn't go to any of the planning meetings, and neither did Natalie, and we're both supposed to be running some activity or something, and neither of us have any clue what's happening. But as long as I can transfer work onto someone else whilst yelling at small children, I'll be fine. That's like my Girlscout formula for success. Go me!

The weekend after that I'll be in D.C. being a bando. This is going to be the most super-hardcore-awesome trip ever.

Then the following weekend I'm being dragged against my will to Palm Springs for a 24 hour family vacation/dad's buisness trip. ANGST!

But yay! I have a future!

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Title:	Chipotle is awesome
Date:	2008-03-28 @ 22:50
Security:	public
Sounds like:	As We Fall - Imperative Reaction

Shawn and I were just on the phone for two hours. We were talking about the icky cathedral-food, and now I feel sick. Just thinking about it makes my stomach all sad. Seriously, the mental image of the pork carnitas makes me want to go vomit.

I really, really want to write something else. Really, I do. It's just that my life has been so incredably BORING lately....
I miss having a social life. I miss having stupid friends. I miss doing more than waking up, eating, and going back to sleep. I'm just hoping that by next year, me and the rest of the world will have sorted our our differences and are buddies again. I have, like, three "friends", a few aquantiences, and then everyone else. I don't like this. I think I kinda suck lots.

Edit!!!: Oh yeah, my hair got good. After two night's worth of work, I have finally achieved the most perfect shade of hot pink ever. I could probably kill a scene kid out of sheer pinky-wonderfulness. And there's some blonde in there too. I don't think I could pull off the whole HEAD FULL OF COLOUR thing. So instead I go for the HEAD FULL OF THREE COLOURS look. Oh my god, I just realised. I FUCKING HAVE NEOPOLITAN ICE CREAM FOR HAIR!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!!

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Title:	Corncobs
Date:	2008-03-24 @ 21:59
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Homewrecker - Hellogoogbye

Yaaaay! Spring Break!!!

Today I went to Target and got the most perfect pair of grey jeans ever. They fit better than any pair I've sewn, and they are soft as fuck. Sooo excited.

Worked loadout at the prop department this afternoon. I got paid $75 to pack and fold stuff. And I found a sweet red-tailed hawk feather. Then we went for dinner at Joe's Crab Shack, which was overrun by Disneyland tourists, because apparantly we forgot that it's down the street from a major amusement park, and would be crowded even on a monday night. At one point, a disco ball was turned on, and all the waiters stopped what they were doing and danced miserably for a full five minutes. Amazing.

Shawn called me about five minutes before I finished working, and now he's doing that thing again where he doesn't answer his phone because he's sleeping or something equally stupid, and I get really mad. D:<

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Title:	Your mother's a diciple
Tag, you're it.:	boy, jesus show
Date:	2008-03-22 @ 23:13
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Spike Island - The Icarus Line
Emotional emotions:	ecstatic

Yesterday was the first day of spring break. I went to the mall with my parents. Whoo. Saw Juno, which was cute, got a black and white houndstooth mini, which is also cute, and ate sushi, which came on a cute plate. Nothing worth noting happened at Glories. Just the usual stuff, I guess.

Tonight, though....craaaaazy.

Got there early, as per normal. Costumes was spraying the shoes with nasty alcohol-based disenfectant that my athsma does not like, so I sat on the kiosk upstairs, playing tetris on my phone, and talking to Justen about what will happen to us twenty years from now. Daniel will be a raging alcoholic, Mercedes will be a crazy cat-lady or a crackwhore, Justen will be a lonely myspace creep, and Shawn will have broken the world record for longest hair on a dude, and raised a mini-him that bothers Justen. We never really got to me.

Minutes pass, I get bored with the immense snack spread downstairs, and decide to go for a walk. I found the pretty little garden off by the cemetery, with the waterfall and the statue of Mary Magdalane and the stoners. And gargantune bees. Then, as I was walking back down, I saw Shawn and Justen going up. So I go over and start walking with Shawn and Justen drops off like the good little third wheel he's become, and we start walking all over the grounds; through the cemetary, the garden, the building with the nice bathroom and the statue of jeebus walking across a lake, and eventually a parking lot. He has an inherent hate of ducks. for whatever reason. Raises millions of other birds, but just can't stand ducks, apparantly. He and his friend got attacked at the Heretage Park duck pond by 15 ducks (yeah, he counted). Said he was looking for a peacock, and got assualted by ducks. What I want to know is why the fuck was he running around Irvine looking for a fucking peacock? The boy lives in Garbage Grove, and he came all the way down to Irvine for a peacock? Do we even have peacocks? WTF, boy.

First show was hot. And I mean FUCKING HOT. It most have been over a million degrees celsius. I think I sweated off five pounds. Second show was even worse. I took off my coat during the market scene, and sat with my dress pulled up very far on my legs, and I was still burning up. It was about then that Shawn officially asked me out. Woo! Fucking finally. I liked how he was totally nonchalant about t he whole thing, he just asked me, and that was it. And it's cute that he had absolutely no clue what to do next (and honestly, neither did I), and resolved to search google for advice when he got home. Dork.

I found a gold anklet with a little bell on it. It's cute. :]

Finally got him to watch the fireworks with me during Herod scene. We went back behind the blue curtain, all the was to the edge of the building and stayed there until he had to go kill jesus. Then everything was boring until I got him to help me bring down the lily basket. Conversation ensued, and he is going ot call me tomorrow. Planning something for next Saturday.

My mom was surprisingly cool about it. I thought it extremely bad timing, having just seen Juno yesterday, and you know, but she knew it was coming. My dad's probably gonna flip. Whatever.

Self-esteem level is up waaaaaaaaaayyyyy high, right now.

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Title:	Shit
Date:	2008-03-20 @ 16:20
Security:	public

Shitshitshitshit. I lost my lock necklace. I took it off because we had fitness testing in band, and somehow, it did not make it back to my neck. Shit. I am so fucking angry. Shitshitshitshit.

EDIT: got it back. I had to go all the way back to the fucking school to get it, but it's hanging on its little hook in my bathroom again. I think it's adorable how I've never seen Shawn without his necklace since I gave it to him. Every day he wears it under his shirt.

Oh my god, I only have two nights left. This is so upsetting. Tonight, we were playing with play-dough again, and I made a little yellow rose. Shawn saved it from getting squished when I wasn't there, and apparantly ended up taking it home. I made a few more for myself. They're cute. But other than that and holding hands with him during the market scene, tonight pretty much sucked. Shawn decided that tonight was "International Bother Rosie Day", and did a very good job celebrating accordingly. I fucked up my foot even more. It's all weird now. Brian is quite possibly the most akward person I've ever met in my entire life. I had five tests today, and I am soooo ready for spring break. I need it bad.

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Title:	Go off.
Date:	2008-03-19 @ 22:53
Security:	public
Sounds like:	My Life Inside Your Heart - Rise Against

Tonight will be reguarded as a victory. He has begun to let his guard down when we are not alone. Sometimes, he grabs my hand. He's started letting me do his hair. Still pacing. Driving me practically insane. Sleepy.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	Fuck false pretenses.
Date:	2008-03-18 @ 23:08
Security:	public

Okay. This is what went down today. Fuck everything, I don't care who reads this, or what they think of me.

The Every 15 Minutes thing went well. I gave people messy zombie hair using only my fingers and gel. There was a dude with a mohawk who came out especially nice.

Later, at the cathedral, Shawn and I are hanging by the vending machines. He's about to buy me the last packet of sour skittles. But somehow (and I still don't get how this really worked), Brian walked up behind us while Shawn was searcing his pocket for money, and bought the fucking skittles. And bright orange cheesy-peanut butter crackers. WTF?! I WANTED THOSE. So Shawn bought me starburst instead, which are nice because they're individually wrapped, and nice tropical flavoured. But Brian bought the last packet of skittles in the entire building. I will never let him forget this. After the show, he was hanging around the table, saying something about how he is intentionially shining his light in my eyes now (unlike before, where he was only doing it because he was supposed to), and skittles from Tokyo. He gets paid at least $40 a night, which is enough to make me quit acting and become a lighting fixture, if they would hire me.

For some disturbingly amazing reason, Brian's been nice. I mean, pre christmas-incident nice. He actually interacts, smiles when I wave at him, and says hello back to me. WTF is going on here?

I dropped my mic-pack running onstage today. E-M-B-A-R-A-A-S-S-I-N-G!!! No one probably noticed, and it they did, fuck that shit. I've dropped plenty of crap onstage before. The super-duper long robe of my costume was a particularly nice thing to have at the moment, though.

My hands once again smell like Play-Dough. I love that smell.

'Kay. Shawn. I will try to word this as painlessly as possible.

For the past week or so, I've been...umm...sitting with him during the market scene. And every day we've been....um...growing closer. God, I fucking hate how that sounds. It's really not like that at all. He's just a shy person. Anyway, today he held my hand all through the scene and off the stage. It was sweet. And not in a surfer-dude kinda sweet.

I think it's scary that the only time I feel alone with him is when we're onstage, in front of over 1000 people. Today there were about 4000 total from both shows. But they really don't exist to me. They're just a backdrop. They're not watching us...they can't even see us. I never ever get stage fright. When I'm up there, the audience just disapears. But whatever....
It's just weird how the only time he's like this is with two thousand pairs of eyes facing us.

Honestly, though, most of this is an attempt to get him to stop "pacing himself" (whatever the fuck that means) and officially ask me out. But whatever. We have 8 more market scenes to get this.

Eight more market scenes...
This show has gone by so fucking quickly. I hate that entire last paragraph. Please shoot me. I'll die fairly happy.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	pants
Tag, you're it.:	jesus show
Date:	2008-03-15 @ 23:31
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Too Late - modwheelmood

What. I don't know. I really do not know.

People are acting weird. Everyone should just all go to sleep. Today, we realized that there was play-dough for the little kids, so we stole some and crucified our own little play-dough Jesus. I gave some to Shawn as an inside joke. He still will not let that thing go. He is still "pacing himself" and it is very annoying. I've been sitting with him during the market scenes. His shoulder is comfortable.
Today, it was cold out. Sad. I was wearing five layers and was still chilly.
Brian is slowly becoming more social, after the terrible low I might have had something to do with a few months ago. He didn't realize that I'm Salome, even though it's his light's on me the entire scene. I can never see when I some off stage because of it.
We had an amazing standing ovation tonight. I was so fucking excited. It's the best feeling in the world, having TWO THOUSAND people stannding and applauding for you. I love this.
Stefani has got to be one of the strangest people I've ever met.
I think I actually sorta love the song 'Arise' that's played right before the big boom! and lasers and fireworks and stuff. The harmonies are so pretty. I wouldn't mind having a recording of it.
I like jellybeans. People like me because I have jellybeans. My stomach does not like it that I've eaten a full cup of jellybean everyday for a few days, now.
Also, my stomach did not like all the junk food Taylor and I consumed whilst "ushering" for Festival, yesterday. That was fun. I got to be mean to jerky middle-schoolers, eat candy, and created a drumset out of forks, chopsticks, and empty bottles.

I believe that is all

My hands still smell like play-dough.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	I'm a fucking zombie
Tag, you're it.:	i like boys, jesus show, sleep is nice
Date:	2008-03-13 @ 22:43
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Ultra Blue - Thrice

Minimal amounts of sleep are bad for my mental health.

Today, I was falling asleep on Shawn during the market scene, and babbling sleep-deprividly on about how much I hate that fucking Blind Man song because it's so looooonng, and he turns to me and says, "Oh, I like that it's so long. It gives me more time to spend up here with you." Cutest thing ever Y/Y?

Basically, this show has been controlling my life. I am very sleepy. Stuff has happened; Justin can't keep away from anything with two X chromosomes, Savannah can't keep her mouth shut about everyone else's relationships, Stefani has an asshole boyfriend, and I......have been very sleepy. Saw Brian today for the first time all week. People around me started screaming happy birthday at him, and I apologised profusely for what ensued. He's seventeen. Shit....I think I met him when he was 14ish. He's still basically the same person, except his hair got a little flippier, and he got a lot angrier. Savannah was going on about how she and him used to be really tight, and he tried to beat up Justen for harassing her. I kinda really miss having him around.

I think that the scourager costume is really funny, and would not look out of place in some sort of deviant-gay-sex-bar-type deal. Also, Shawn jingles when he runs in it. The Solome costume make me look like a jedi. It's cool because I have two costumes that I can mix up together for the crowd scenes.

I have eaten jellybeans for dinner for the past two nights. Better than the "food" they try to feed us. Today, the enchiladas looked like somebody barfed up yesterday's balls of meat-like-substance, and added some leftover corn. I had to leave the room because I couldn't watch people eat it. :( :(

I....aaaaaaaaaaafsipomcgakdshagskjlfgmjdsgh;lksmeropigjm oamdskljcfoapiwejjjcfm oaksjddddddddcfka;ldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

OH, and the most amazing thing happened outside after the show, yesterday. For some unknown reason, Shawn was staying up for Greeting, and this little kid comes up to him, his eyes filled with tears, and asks him, "Why did you kill god?" The mental picture I'm getting here is amazing.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	I am a proud bando.
Date:	2008-03-07 @ 22:42
Security:	public
Sounds like:	The Whaler - Thrice

I fucking walk in step. It comes naturally. I also have problems standing still without marking time.

Band banquet was fun. Fun as in we didn't do anything remotely fun at all. I hate Jalapeno's food with a fiery burning passion.

Derek and Nathan, for whatever reason, showed up wearing the exact same thing; white shirt, black pants, suspenders, tie, wallet chain, and insisted it was a coincidence. Yeah fucking right. They looked like they're going to Sadie's together. Lolololol. And Nathan probably wrote the entirety of Derek's "HEYLOLYOU'REAGOODBANDOHAVEATROPHYBYE!" speech. He's just in love with the guy. It's so funny.

I don't know which is worse, the fact that I knew exactly what Taylor was talking about when she mentioned this: http://xkcd.com/389/ , or the fact that I find it FUCKING HILARIOUS and laughed for a good while over the truth of it all.
Today while we weren't doing anything in jazz band, I pulled out that tiny book of music dork quotes, and we started reading them out loud. They were quite popular. Nathan played the guitar with a cow. THought it was worth mentioning.

Didn't seem to miss much at rehearsal tonight. Shawn was moping around the table. SOUNDS FAMILIAR, MMMRIGHT? He is, in fact, not
quitting anything, just leaving swim practice early, and showing up wet and unhappy. Better than nothing.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	I have a Britney Spears song stuck in my head.
Date:	2008-03-07 @ 16:31
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Pretty Vacant - The Sex Pistols

First off, it's my fucking birthday.

Apparantly, it was also the birthday of some assistant principal dude, and for some reason, anyone whose birthday is today was delivered a cupcake. So I had a random cupcake during stagecraft.

Sammy's mom must have forgotten to pick me up, because I was still at school at 3:00. Then I said fuck it, and walked home. I listened to the Sex Pistols, bought $6 of gum at target, and all around had a lovely time....except for the walking part, and the fact that a bass guitar starts to get really heavy after a mile or so. Oh well.

This coconut gum is really good.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	Nearly...
Tag, you're it.:	everyone leaves me, jesus drammerz!, jesus show
Date:	2008-03-06 @ 23:08
Security:	public
Sounds like:	In Your Hands - Thrice

Oh, what a night.

First off, Shawn got promoted to Varsity swim team at his school. That's really great and all, but his schedule conflicts with the show. He was talking about leaving today. Then he went silent. I hate it when he does that. I found him during the market scene hiding behind the yarn rack they shoved at him, and...he wouldn't talk. He looked really sad, though. We spent the rest of the scene sitting in the back, my head on his shoulder, and my arm on his. I am so tired.

Salome is a really fun part. There's actual acting involved, and I GET A LINE!!! Seriously. I'm right up front in the moshpit with the romans during Barrabus, then I'm waaaayyy downstage among the diciples for Crucifiction, then I scream and run off, then I have the scene with the Marys where I get my line (which, by the way, I deliver very well, and got many compliments on. Fuck yeah!), and then I'm in with the Marys and diciples for Ascension. No special curtain call, though...
The costume's nice. I look like a jedi.

I like having a Thrice song written about me. And I can totally interpret that song to fit into my part. "I walked away in silence, and threw my self upon the ~~ground~~ surprisingly fluffy white carpet..."

Brian is minimally interacting with me. Better than nothing. I never see him, anyway. His hair got all weird and flippy, and he looks like a nerdy skater-kid-bando.

Speaking of bando, the Band Banquet's tomorrow night. On my birthday. >:[

And to complete this triptych of people leaving, I found out one of the reasons why Patty isn't here. Besides her walking into a moving bus, which I still cannot get over lolololololol. Anyway, it's because of me. :D
Her mom absolutely hated me. Why? Because Shawn likes me and not her stupid daughter. This is amazing. I am actually keeping a person away from me just by existing! Totally made my day.

There seems to be a growing number of people who hate Shawn. SaVAHNah was saying how she wants to hit him across the face. Seems a popular trend; the girls hating him, and the boys wrapping the fabric of their hats around their faces like ninjas. It was so obvious he likes me...I'm just about the only thing he's nice to. God, if he leaves......

Justen tried to hug me "because it's my birthday". DO NOT WANT EW EW EW EW. DDDDDD:

I drew all over my arm in math today. Hooray for ink poisoning.

Natalie is my best friend ever because she remembered it's my birfday, and is getting me a present. The only present. My mom's been busy and forgot to buy me stuff. :(

Soooooooo tired.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	I am so fucking out of it.
Tag, you're it.:	jesus show
Date:	2008-03-03 @ 21:31
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Metallurge - Spider and the Flies

Today was craaaazy. Or at least I was.

During band was when it got bad. I have had less than enough sleep recently, and have pretty much lost all sanity. And I have the attention span of a tuna sandwich. Anyway, we had to set up for a concert we're not playing. Then I rode back to the band room on a chair cart. then we had the rest of the period to ourselves, so the bass section went into one of the studios to practice, which consisted mainly of me yelling at amplifiers, threatening people with cables, and generally being angry. Then Matt came in and was all YOURE DOIN IT RONG and I'm all NO IM NOT!!1!111!!!, which went on for a nice few minutes before I threatened to hurt him with my bass, threw open the door and yelled SHUT UP AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!!!! Then it got all silent outside, and I did that stabby-punchy arm motion that I realized I always do when I'm angry. I hate that boy sooooooo much.

Theater was fun today. We're in the process of casting and scripting the new show. Then we danced the Time Warp.

At Jesus, I was still angry. Stuff happened, I missed a cue that wasn't my fault, the whole stoning sequence got reblocked and it is RETARDED, and I hung in the back during the end, avoiding stuff. Shawn took a picture of the back of my head and set it as his phone's wallpaper. I took a picture of the back of his head, and set it as my phone's wallpaper. We have a theme going on, here. And I realized that I have not ever taken a picture of this boy. Just his hair. Every. Single. One.
People are picking up on the necklaces. It's annoying. Dumb questions, too. Like, "Why does Shawn have keys, and you have a lock around your necks?" UM.
Seriously, though, what are they expecting?

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	Potato chips
Tag, you're it.:	i am hungry, jesus show, life in general
Date:	2008-02-29 @ 21:53
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Death of Seasons - AFI

Been a busy, sleep deprived zombie lately.

Tuesday night we had some dudes walk into our rehearsal. They were going on and on about how cool the place was, especially the cemetary. They appeared to be in some sort of sceney band, or something, and I was elected to throw them out. They, however were already on their way out, having just encountered Jordan. At least she didn't try to knife them. Then we actually try to start, but it appeared that we had lost Shawn and Justen, who had gone out to find the cemetary the emoband was speaking of. And I was elected to go find them. And I did, eventually.

Wednesday I discovered to magical fluffiness of the newly installed carpet, and spent much of the pre-rehearsal time lying on my back in one of the isles. Got more guitar picks. Did not set foot on stage the entire time. Hung in the isles with Shawn. Had a fucking awesome audition.

Thursday I had off. Went to Natalie's for a meeting, and yelled at people about guns.

Today, I was walking to the band room with my bass, and a ghetto kid asked me if I had a sniper rifle in the case. Hilight of my week, pretty much.

Rehearsal today was fun. We all arrived around the same time. Shawn got a shitty new phone, and I stole some bass picks from him. They made the romans fill in during the market scene, which was actually fun. I think I'm allergic to palm fronds. Did some other stuff. Barabus scene is fun because it's like a giant moshpit. And lol, Shawn kills Jesus. Then I waited around with Mercedes for forever because my mom was late to pick me up. Got blinded by Brian's spotlight multiple times, explored backstage, and took the elevator that smells of cleaning fluid. She kept calling me a jedi because of my rattail. Oh yeah, and it's awesome. Shawn was wearing a Star Wars shirt. Hahaha.

School isn't bad. In math, we ran out of desks, so I get a nice, comfy swivel chair because I'm cool like that. Ancient Civ still sucks. Scagecraft is fun because I sit and text people and play tetris all period long. I want to punch Bio in the face. I love English. Band is superfun, despite my obvious lacking of knowlege in the field of bass clef sight reading. Today we packed up about halfway through the period, and I spent the other half hour in a recording studio with Derek, Matt, Nathan, and Taylor. The first two were recording for Derek's film class, and needed my bass, so I stuck around. Today, Derek was wearing a plaid shirt and a bolo tie. Strange boy.

7 days until my birthday. Not really having a party, I'm too busy, and besides...who would I invite? Five people? Anyway, the band banquet falls on that friday, so it's my unofficial party. Yesterday, my mom told me I can go wherever I want to, that following weekend. I am still slightly confused at the implications of that statement. I'll probably end up at a sushi bar in Sandy Eggo, as always.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	Wax Sealed
Tag, you're it.:	jesus show
Date:	2008-02-25 @ 21:27
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Like The Angel - Rise Against

GOE rehearsals started tonight. :]

To keep it short, I talked to Shawn while we were waiting to be assigned parts. I missed him so much. Then I went off to train the other dead girl's mom, and Nicole was getting all bitchy about how I'm playing her mother...whatever. Things are weird. Deal. Anyway, then we avoided getting cast for the market scene, which is nice. I'll probably end up hanging with Shawn at the fabric tent, where they stuck him again. Lololol. He gets to kill Jesus, though, so that makes up for it. Brian has moved up in the food chain and is now getting paid as a sptlight operator. Bitch. It's all because of that show last year when they cast him as Herod Torch, and he just about cried. I'd cry too if I had to go up onstage infront of thousands of people nearly naked. But he got really mad, and left. And now he gets paid. Boo.

Patty wasn't there. Why? She walked into a moving bus and hurt herself. Amazing.

The best part of the night was when us and the Lanes were walking out, and Daniel turns to me, stares at my lock necklace for awhile, and then says, "Oh, that's why Shawn wears those keys around his neck..." and I'm just like :]. I hadn't noticed he was wearing it tonight. I feel all special, now.

Tomorrow, we're hopefully actually doing stuff that is mildly productive maybe. Also, I got a haircut. Woohoo.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	Oh fuck yeah!
Date:	2008-02-23 @ 19:22
Security:	public
Sounds like:	No Love Lost - Joy Division

My mom just got off the phone with Sonja about rehearsals.

OMFGWOOHOOIGETALINE!!!!! I'm apparantly the new and only Salome. What's even better is that I'm actually playing a girl this time!!! THIS IS REALLY COOL!!!
And I don't have to be Dead Girl's mom for the finale (they'll probably end up dropping that on Mercedes), which means that big fucking basket of goddamn plastic flowers is NO LONGER MY RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!! YAAAAYYYYY!!!!
I'll probably end up having to do at least a small costume change, because wouldn't it look silly to have Mary happily strolling along with the person that only a small while ago tried to murder her with a large stone?
I have fun roles.

Also, it appears that a certain incompetant stage manager managed to throw out the entire box full of easter stuff, including the scripts and call sheets. Why won't they just fire that douche, already?

I'm getting a haircut tomorrow. Finally. :]

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	Chiller
Date:	2008-02-22 @ 21:01
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Who Says - The Horrors

I have come to the desicion that I need a best friend. Like, BFFL, sleepover, inside joke, share clothes, live at each other's houses-type thing. I've never ever really had one of those. :/

I am so excited for Monday night. YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH STOP READING HERE KTHX.
Seriously. This is gonna be the funnest show ever. I'm just wondering about Shawn's parts; if he will end up killing Jesus again, or if they're gonna cast him as Herod Torch (I'm still laughing over the time Brian had to do it last year. Lololol.), or if he'll do Pilate guard which would actually not be good because I'm only Pilate's wife for a few shows and he couldn't do the market scene otherwise......see what this fucking show does to my head? Anyway, I think I've got my plan of attack all figured out. Dead girl scene -> Hang with Shawn during market scene ->Throw rock at whore ->hang downstairs -> go up for crucifiction if i feel like it (if Shawn's in the scene) -> Lily basket/finale. Boom, done. I'm super excited for rehearsals, which pretty much means all of us hanging out both onstage AND offstage. It's gonna be weird though, I can already tell. Because of all the random weirdness with crushed and all. I mean, everyone I hang out with there has an unrequited crush on someone else, and that make everything all drama-y and weird. There's, like, this whole weird web of crushes containing all my friends...and then there's Shawn and I. And then certain people don't liek other people....and everything's gonna be weird and fun and awesome the end.

ANYWAY.....

I've started bringing my bass to school for jazz band. The first day, I came out of the equipment room with it, and everyone's like ":O FIVESTRINGBASS!" and Nathan's all like "Oh, you weren't lying." I just about slapped that boy right there. Also, in reguards to his wallet chain...DOIN' IT WRONG!
Today, Derek asked me to stay after school to record some bass for a film class project, and I was all "OhfucksorrybutIcarpoolsorrythatsoundsreallycool:(sadface." but then Sammy went home early, so I could have done it anyway. I feel lame now.

Then there was that one guitarist guy who, after Taylor, Anel and I excused ourselves from rehearsal to learn THE BASSLINE, told me that my bass was "Totally sick" and inquired if we were "Gonna jam with the band" the following day, because apparantly that would sound "Wicked sweet". That was a pretty LOL moment.

Jazz band is so fun. I'm having such a great time playing with all the equiptment and amps and cables and stuff because I'm a big nerd. I caused a tiny earthquake playing with the gain control and the low E string. :]
And like, the entire band has a crush on my bass. I feel like such an attention whore. It's fun, and I now fully understand the purpose of that extra string: to look cool.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	I'm fucking rock.
Date:	2008-02-20 @ 18:27
Security:	public
Sounds like:	My Garden Is Made Of Stone - The Horrors
Emotional emotions:	Jetlagged

Sooo out of it. I hate airplanes with a passion.

Got a bass case today. Now I have to lug that bitch into school EVERY DAY. How I'm gonna fit it into the car is posing a challenge. That fifth string is completely useless.

I'm becoming a bubblegum whore. Better than a crackwhore, atleast. I've bought a pack of gum everyday for the last five days. Whatever.

Easter rehearsals start reeaalllyyy soon. Next monday. I'm so pumped. You know why. <3333 :]

I've listened to nothing but The Horrors for days, now. And I am totally happy. SLSK isn't working as fast as I want it to. Or no one in the world wants to host me some Muse albums, apparantly.

I need a haircut so badly. I've given up on straightening it because my head looks ridiculous, and have just been tying it back with that amazing polka-dot scarf. I can actually pull most of it back into a teeny-tiny, art-student-boy-style ponytail now. :\

I hate sleeping on airplanes. Especially when your seat doesn't go back and the two people next to you are complete strangers and using the armrests, so you are forced to sleep on the tray table infront of you. My science desk was more comfortable than that shit.

I also have, like, no pants. I don't know how that happened, but I am rendered pantsless. They all are awaiting the laundry, and the ones I'm wearing now I have been wearing for, like, the last three days. Dirty hobo.

The airport security people took my toothpaste and facial scrub. Fuckers.

God, I am so messed up right now. Fucking timezones.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	Lightning Rods
Date:	2008-02-17 @ 17:43
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Metallurge - Spider And The Flies

Florida is hell. The worst place ever. I hate it here. Somebody, please shoot me back to the OC.

Shawn isn't picking up his phone. Stupid boy, last time I talked to him, he had gotten a new phone, but didn't want to use it because it didn't have his contact info and stuff. Whereas, he really wasn't able to access that information in the first place. Whatever. He carved my phone number into his desk. I asked him not to, but he couldn't find paper...stupid.
His myspace is getting progressively bleaker. This time it's horrible emo poetry, which I can only hope is a poorly executed joke. I mean last time I freaked out over what...a Freddie Mercury quote? But whatever, I just want to talk to him. I miss him too much, and now he's got me all freaking out. i just want to talk to him, tell him that I miss him and he should call me more often and that I care. I LOVE YOU, STUPID! PICK UP YOUR DAMN PHONE!

(EDIT: Upon further inspection of aformentioned bad emo poetry, I have come ot one possible conclusion: Justen. He's completley heartbroken over Steffani. almost 50 days later, he's still not over it. The BEP could totally be his; it's covered in bad text-messagey-ickey-justenness. Actually, the other week, he somehow acquired my number [I am going to kill Mercedes] and sent what I assume was everyone on his contacts list a shorter but equally ridicuolous message signed "loveless 4 life". Based purely on assumption [and the fact that Shawn is a terrible person, and this totally sounds like something he would do], I'm guessing that Justen sent Shawn a saturated-with-emo message, and Shawn posted it on his myspace. I'm like fucking Sherlock Homes, here.)

(FURTHER EDIT: here's the ridiculous emo-ness, in black text because I'm ninja-esque and have a small amount of respect for this boy's privacy.

"Tell me if love is good tell me its fair when people think that love is joy and bliss its not its full of pain and hate. Love can be a sighn of happyniss but never 4 me love has hurt me time and time again. Love is what all of us want but only a few can c"
LOLOLOL)

(EVEN MORE EDIT: For the first time ever, he is actually visible in his picture. Surferboy <3. :] )

God, I just need someone to talk to, and the only person in the world I want won't pick up his cell.

I am so fucking miserable.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

Title:	Welcome to the worst day ever.
Date:	2008-02-14 @ 17:11
Security:	public
Sounds like:	Thunderclaps - The Horrors
Emotional emotions:	numb

I'm leaving on saturday for the funeral. I come back on wednesday. I am going to florida. My grandma lost to cancer.

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day.

I suppose I'll go into a bit more detail.

I mean...we knew it was coming. It could have been worse. I'm still waiting for the outburst.

Today also really sucked. It rained.

I got to school early today.
Whenever I have time to kill, I walk around the school. I've been doing it more frequently. I know who's where, what to avoid. I pretend that I'm looking for people, or going somewhere. This morning, I hesitantly ran into Chenielle. She obviously did not enjoy my company, our eschange was approx. 3 sentences long. If she wants to be like that, and hand out with her obviously superior friends, then fine. I honestly do not care. Also, if she is reading this, please stop. I get it, okay. Just do me a favor, and stop reading my shit.

I'd planned on maybe seeing Shawn this weekend...guess not. Two weeks until Easter rehearsals start.

I like to listen to The Horrors really loud. Takes my mind off other stuff.

:: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: Shower me with praise.

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